Week 29 – 30
With the appointment in Miami scheduled for July 11, 2013, we gathered as a family for prayer for the third time a few days beforehand. Another priceless moment lifting up a priceless life.
A little miscommunication somewhere along the line placed us in our new doctor’s office before we had our ultrasound appointment. At the other doctors’ offices so far both of those things were part of one appointment, but they do things very differently in this office where this doctor is only here on this day and that day and the other doctor is only here on another day and yet another day. Long story short and a bucket-load of frustration later, we found out we needed to come back to Miami the next day to get an ultrasound by a tech while the ultrasound doctor was present and then had to come back the next week for our new doctor to interpret the results that the ultrasound doctor basically already told us. Our entire first trip to Miami and time off from work and gas and tolls and parking fees summed up to about 15 minutes of watching the doctor read our file in front of us, telling us we needed to get an ultrasound by their techs before he could tell us anything, and about 3 hours of waiting for a slot to open for an ultrasound that no one in the office realized we couldn’t have that day because of our situation.
As exasperating as this situation was, our long trip home gave us time to cool off and realize
it was another attempt to steal our joy – only coming at us from a different direction. We prayed about the situation and our attitudes, and understood this was yet another test of our character and that we were being stretched in our faith.
Yeay!
The next day we trekked back down to Miami for the ultrasound. We didn’t have to wait long for our turn – of course, after yesterday’s episode, anything less than 3 hours was “not having to wait long,” lol. The ultrasound tech was friendly enough but was still cautious about which questions she answered for us. We were able to see Baby J’s lips move and his/her tongue come out – a first for us!
The ultrasound doctor came in when the tech was finishing up and quickly did his own scan. I’m not sure if he was having a bad day or what, but it seemed like we were a bother to him and he was not entirely gentle with his scans of Jacky’s belly. When he finished, he told us that he didn’t find anything that we didn’t already know. He mentioned that without any form of genetic screening or an Amnio, he couldn’t determine the underlying issue with the fetus. Then he asked if we had any questions. It was so short and cold that we just looked at him thinking he would be saying something a little more. In a way I wish he had just left the room at that point because he proceeded to kick me square in my gut with a sharp, steel-tipped boot: “In my professional opinion, ‘it’ is not compatible with life.” Then he left.
I can’t remember the last time that something someone said to me has resonated so loudly in my head or made me so mad I wanted to punch them in the mouth. This is my child he was talking about. Did his medical training teach him that phrase or was it a personal favorite to pull out when he just didn’t like someone? Until the day either Baby J’s heart or my heart ceases to beat, this is my child – watch your words. That’s all I have to say about that.
Another part of me was glad he said what he said – not about Baby J, of course, but just in general — the phrase itself. What does it make you think of after reading it? I thought of when Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, they brought upon humanity the “
wages of sin,” which is death. We’re all sinners – we’re all not compatible with life. The death the Bible talks about regarding this isn’t physical death, though (although sin did negatively affect our physical body); it’s talking about no longer having eternal, spiritual life. Thank God
He gave us a way to get that back!
So, we didn’t learn anything new that day about Baby J’s situation through the ultrasound. The “not compatible with life” part certainly pooped on our parade, but we knew we had to keep on keeping on – for our sake
as well as Baby J’s.
The day of our visit the following week with the high-risk doctor coincided with the day of prayer at Jacky’s job. In the morning before we left for Miami, her coworkers in the local office and around the world prayed for her and for Baby J. It’s an amazing thing that Jacky can work at a place where prayer is not only encouraged, it’s scheduled into the workday.
Our visit that day with high risk doctor shed some light (at least for me) on how we were being treated by this office in general. As we spoke to the doctor for the first half of the visit, he was simply letting us know that he didn’t see anything different than what our other doctors had on their reports. He then proceeded to read from his computer screen a bunch of things we actually had
not heard before. Apparently, the four main things we knew about were just that – the
main things. I couldn’t keep track of everything he said – I just knew it was more than four things. And we didn’t need to know the list. We knew that God knew the list and that there wasn’t anything we could do about that list or even about the original four-item list one way or another – other than pray about it. It certainly
wasn’t going to do us any good by worrying about it.
After the doctor stopped listing their findings and explaining what they meant and that without genetic screening or an Amnio he couldn’t determine what the underlying problem with the fetus was, he mentioned that he will have his office send them to our doctor.
That was the missing piece. At that moment I realized we were being seen as a desperate couple grasping for second opinions hoping one of them would come back normal and thus baby would be normal like babies were supposed to be. That explains why it looked like we were wasting their time, why they were being so short with us, and why it looked like they were grasping for things to tell us beyond what they figured we already knew. We told him the story from the beginning and explained that Jackson Memorial was recommended to us and that he is now “our doctor” to get us through to the end – whatever end that may be.
The doctor’s whole demeanor changed. (Awesome! Now we can move forward and get some real, expert advice from an expert in this field!) But his demeanor went from, “I don’t know what you people expect me to say other than what you already know,” to, “Great. So now you’re my problem.” That demeanor wasn’t apparent at first, but looking back after a couple more visits, I’m pretty sure that was his look.