Starting a Journey with a Trip

Week 21 – 23

Jacky works for a non-profit Christian Ministry called OneHope, an organization that brings hope to children around the world through Scripture. Each year, employees who have been working for a year or more are encouraged to go on a Distribution Trip. A Distribution Trip is where they go out “into the field” in a foreign country to participate in handing out the material produced by OneHope to children and youth. Jacky was not eligible to go on a trip till after August 2013, but since she would have been in her last trimester she would not have been able to go on the trip to Colombia scheduled for September. Her boss instead gave her special permission to go to the earlier May trip to Mexico. Spouses of the employees are generally encouraged to go on these “Distribution Trips” as well since not only are the trips practically missions trips (who’s life is never changed by one of those?), it is also a great way to see the impact of the work their spouse performs on a daily basis. More so, I was highly encouraged to go since Jacky was pregnant and I could take special care of her if need be – the places they go aren’t exactly downtown metropolis, if you catch my drift. I hadn’t been on a missions trip in years, and Jacky had never been on one (AND it would be Baby J’s first one), so we were pretty excited to go. And I’m half Mexican (long story), so any chance to go there is a plus!

We had been planning to go on this trip for a few weeks, but now that we were firmly in the “high risk” pregnancy category we had some decisions to make. Funny thing about when you are being obedient to the Lord – the enemy is out there trying to keep you from succeeding.

We prayed about the trip and both felt peace about going. We sought the wisdom of those around us who we trusted and who knew our situation, and it seemed to be a mixed response where some felt peace about Jacky going on the trip and some did not. We scheduled a visit with our midwife right before we left as a final medical check and confirmation; her concerns for Jacky included getting sick from the food or from sick children or the possibility of going into premature labor in a foreign country. We were aware of those risks, and we decided to firmly place them into God’s hands. We felt His calling to go on this trip before the ultrasound, and we didn’t feel any different after the ultrasound. This bad news wasn’t going to keep us from blessing some kids and changing their very lives.

The amazing thing about missions trips is that you think you are going to bless others when in reality you are the one who is blessed. The life that is changed is your own. You strip away the comforts of life and slow your pace down to what it was meant to be, and you really get back to the things that truly matter in life. You see families sticking together because they have to rely on each other to put food on the table. You see parents spending time with their children and teaching them a trade so they can eventually put food on the table for their own kids. You see children running around and playing soccer in shoes that have more holes than material – and they have the biggest smiles on their faces. Don’t they know how much happier they would be sitting in front of a TV playing XBox all day? While wearing a pair of brand new Jordan’s? Or shopping at the mall with their friends buying stuff they don’t need or even like because that’s what they’re “supposed” to be doing?

That’s certainly a glimpse into where Jacky and I are at right now because of this pregnancy. We’ve been stripped of that “need” to know the sex so we can plan the room and buy the right clothes and have the information we’re “supposed” to have – because no sonogram we’ve seen has even come close to showing that detail (sorry, there’s some misplaced organs blocking the shot). We’ve had to slow down our pace because every day Baby J is kicking Jacky’s stomach and bladder is another day he or she is alive and… well… kicking.

A few days into the trip we had the opportunity to share our testimony with a small church in a nearby city where the congregation didn’t speak Spanish let alone English. We had two layers of interpreters to get from English to their native tongue. Jacky and I spoke about choices. I talked about a mother who had the choice to terminate her baby because it wasn’t supposed to make it – or if it did it was supposed to have severe brain damage. In that case, the doctor knew the mother well enough to know that termination was not an option whatsoever (ever, ever, ever, amen), so he didn’t even need to present the choices. I’m glad that mother stood for her beliefs and made her choice before it was even asked of her — otherwise I wouldn’t be here to write this blog. Jacky then took the microphone and spoke about how she and I were also faced with a similar choice, and have decided to give God full control of the situation.

Since that testimony in that little, humble church service, we have both shared our story (and God’s grace) countless times, to people we would never have thought to tell, in situations we would never have pictured ourselves in, and with more boldness than we could have thought possible. It was a good trip, and God protected us the entire time.

Our Journey of Faith was off to a good start!

The Beginning

We had to tell our moms first. This is the first grandchild for both sides, and both had been waiting more than 30 years for this event. Needless to say, they were both pumped and ready for the reveal party that night.

We first drove to my mother’s house, figuring she would be home at that time of the day. My dad was at work, so it was just the two of us and my mom. We had made a list of the four main things the specialist had mentioned, so when my mom asked through a big smile how it went with the doctor, we showed her that list. “Well, here are our prayer requests for Baby J.”

My mom has been an RN for longer than I’ve been alive, and even was a pediatric nurse for a few years around the time she was pregnant with me, so she knew all too well what the terms in front of her face meant. Without wasting another second, she pulled both of us in towards her and prayed over us. My mom’s tears are extremely contagious, so there wasn’t a dry eye between the three of us.

After a long chat with my mom, a phone call with my sister who lives out of state, and more tears with both of them we headed over to Jacky’s mom’s house. Jacky shared with her mother and sister the same news, and it was followed with the same prayer and the same tears.

After both dads got off work, we all got together and had the first prayer meeting we’ve had in the six years we’ve been married where both sides came together for the sole purpose of lifting our voice as one to the Lord. To this day, it has been one of the single most important events in my entire life.

Within the course of only a few hours, our world was turned upside down then right-side up. Before our shock could even wear off into worry and pain, the peace and joy of the Lord filled us up in the most inexplicable way. We didn’t know any better what to do next or what was in store for Baby J, but we were moving forward knowing that God had things under control and that we just had to trust Him. We knew we had the support of our family to help us stand up when we felt like falling down. We felt so blessed to be in a family that all knew the Lord and understood His power and His might and His love.

That was May 14, 2013, the first day of the rest of our journey.

Plot Twist

“You guys elected not to have the genetic screening, correct? The ones for Downs, Spina Bifida… You didn’t have an Anmio… Any of that, correct?”

“No, we didn’t,” we replied.

“Ok. These are the four main things we found: The fetus’s organs are outside the body, the spine has severe scoliosis, there is swelling around the body, and we are unable to find the right leg – it may be that we just can’t see it, but the leg bones are relatively easy to find in an ultrasound. Because you declined the genetic screenings, we don’t know if they are due to genetic defects or not.”

Um…

“You basically have three options:” he continued, “You can terminate the pregnancy since you are still under 25 weeks, you can get an Amnio to test for genetic defects, or you can wait it out. You are already 20 weeks, so you don’t have much time if you decide to terminate. Based on what I’m seeing, I just don’t see the fetus making it more than a few weeks, and I certainly don’t expect if you do make it to full term that the baby would live very long. If you want, we can schedule an appointment before you leave today to make sure you can get back in before the 25 weeks.”

We asked the doctor for a few minutes to think about everything, and we were again left alone in silence for the second time that visit. We were in such complete shock about this news, the full reality of the situation hadn’t quite hit us yet. But finding out the sex of the baby became so trivial. A lot of things that were so important and non-negotiable for us 30 minutes earlier did not matter in the least bit anymore. Even in that time, though, whereas we didn’t have a clue what we wanted to do, we absolutely knew what we didn’t want to do.

The doctor came back in. “What did you guys decide?”

“We don’t believe in abortion,” we stated, “so ‘termination’ is not even an option for us. The next option you mentioned was having the Amnio. If we do that, is there anything that can be done based on what you find?”

“Well, first, I just want to make sure you understand that in the state of Florida that you cannot terminate after 24 weeks, so if you change your mind you don’t have a lot of time before that option is no longer available to you.”

“We understand. We’re not going to terminate. What will the results of the Amnio do for the baby? We hear that there is a high risk of miscarriage.”

“There isn’t anything that can be done during the pregnancy based on the results of the Amnio.” He then added, “It just gives doctors an idea of what to prepare for after the fetus comes out – if it makes it to term.”

“In that case, we’ll wait to see what happens naturally.”

On our way out, he told us he’d like to see us again in a few weeks. We scheduled an appointment, but later canceled it before the visit. We just didn’t get a good vibe whatsoever from this doctor.

Jacky and I stood out in the parking lot and, with eyes wide open, held each other in silence for a while.

Now what? What do you do with this kind of information? We had a pink and blue reveal party planned for later that evening. We had friends and family waiting not-so-patiently to find out which we were having. Facebook wanted to know! Even worse, whether you’re talking about miscarriage or special needs, in the long term this is the kind of thing that can lead to severe depression or divorce or both!

What happened next has changed the course of our lives even more so than the news we just received.

We’re Pregnant!

“You’re pregnant!” followed by a lot of excitement, tears of joy, “Is it a boy or a girl?” and so on … is how it started. “This fetus is not compatible with life” is the way it is now according to our doctors. There’s a lot that’s happened between then and now, so we’d like to catch everyone up and keep you updated through this blog as we go along. It’s been difficult to keep everyone up to date via Facebook, text, e-mail, phone calls, etc., so we figured a blog would be the most common ground to do so. We would certainly like to thank everyone who has asked to be updated throughout our journey with Baby J (as we call him/her). We’ll do our best not to disappoint!

Pre-Pregnancy

After Jacky’s graduation from FAU in May 2012, our plan was to find Jacky a job, start a family, and buy a house (not necessarily in that order). We were really trying to put those things into God’s hands, knowing He would provide the job, the house, and the family in His timing. Not too long after our graduation/anniversary cruise and her mini-vacation, Jacky started looking for a job. God quickly provided a workplace she could truly pour her heart into. In fact, she would be working under a mutual friend of ours who we’d met separately before we even knew each other! (To this day she still loves where she works and loves the people she works with!) Cross that one off the to-do list. In late 2012, we started trying for a baby. It was time. Jacky was done with school, and I would have my year of having Jacky to myself without school or children. In the last few days of January 2013, Jacky went for a scheduled doctor visit and found out she was pregnant – 6 weeks pregnant!

Week 6 – 10

Jacky went to her long-time OB/GYN office for the first few visits. Other than Baby J not stretching out for proper age measurements during the ultrasounds, everything looked fine as far as the doctor could tell. Heartbeats were fast and strong. Several weeks in, the doctor pushed the due date back a week because of the inexact measurements, which is why you may see some inconsistencies in the week numbers listed in this story.

Jacky, being the bouncy socialite that she is, wasn’t totally feeling the warm, fuzzy love coming back from her doctor; she was nice and everything, just not warm and fuzzy. After two or three visits, we received a letter stating that this doctor was going out of network for our insurance. We figured that was God giving us the polite “out” to look for a midwife who would take us to the finish line – holding our hands, smiling at us, and gently telling Jacky to “PUSH!”

Week 11 – 20

Jacky researched a couple midwives who were highly recommended by a few of our friends and the general internet population. During the meet-and-greet interview for the first one, we felt pretty comfortable with her and could see ourselves bringing Baby J into the world under her care. On the way out of her office to go home and make the decision, we ran into a couple we had gone to a Bible study with a couple years earlier; they told us to march right back in and sign up with her. We figured that was God letting us know this was the one.

Week 21

In the standard schedule of events for prenatal doctor visits is the 20-week ultrasound performed by a “specialist” doctor. This is where you have your “official” ultrasound, and it is during this ultrasound that you normally find out if you are having a baby boy or a baby girl. We had scheduled a baby reveal party for that night with our immediate family; we’d gotten pink decorations and blue decorations, prepared an envelope for the doctor in which to place the much-anticipated results, and even had a friend of ours bake a cake to have on stand-by for when we delivered the envelope so she could make it with pink filling or blue filling. We were ready to celebrate whichever was inside Jacky’s womb! Throughout this pregnancy, we have declined most of the “standard” tests relating to genetic disorders and the like. The logic was this: no matter what was discovered through these tests, we weren’t going to “terminate” (doctor’s words) our baby just because the doctors found and documented a possibility of anything less than convenient or desirable. There’s always a possibility of risk during pregnancy, so why would we put ourselves through extra worry just because of a documented possibility of risk? Whatever God had in store for us is what we were going to face head-on. Up to this point we had only received ultrasounds by an OB/GYN. She talked throughout the ultrasounds, letting us into our little baby’s world and pointing out everything she found. This ultrasound was different – this was from a tech instead of a doctor. Not much was said other than basic instructions for Jacky. (We have learned since that techs aren’t allowed to say much during the ultrasound – that’s the doctor’s job.) About the only thing the tech did say later in the session was, “You guys declined the genetic testing, correct?” The tech finished up shortly after and left the room. We just sat there in silence for a few minutes. I was distracted looking on my phone going through work e-mail that had come in during the session, and Jacky was analyzing what the tech had said and didn’t say (again, not knowing the tech wasn’t allowed to say much). “She didn’t say much. Based on her facial expressions I have a feeling something is wrong.” Sometimes I think Jacky over-analyzes things. “Eh. It is what it is.” (That statement went over very well, by the way.) A few minutes later the doctor came in to personally take a few more scans and to share his findings. Our lives were about to change.